Gaslighting: Why It Happens & What You Can Do About It

 

In September 2022, the Department of Health published the latest A&E performance figures, which at that time were the worst on record. The Health Secretary at the time, when confronted with these appalling statistics, proclaimed to the media that he “expects immediate improvement from A&E departments.” The implication being that it was A&E departments themselves who were to blame, and they just needed to work harder. It truly was a most egregious example of gaslighting.

But what exactly is gaslighting? The term seems to have crept into everyday language in recent years. Indeed, Oxford University Press named it as the 2^nd most useful new word of 2018. Its history can be traced back to the 1944 Ingrid Bergman film ‘Gaslight’. In the film, Bergman’s malevolent husband tries to convince her that she is losing her mind by repeatedly dimming and brightening the gas lights in the house while telling her she is imagining it.

The trouble with words that are useful and hence become more commonly utilised in everyday language, is that they can be overused. They can lose some of their original meaning. This, arguably, can be true for the word gaslighting. Too often, particularly in a workplace, it can be used when there is more accurately just a difference of opinion. Or perhaps a reasonable request that is interpreted as being unfair. For the purposes of this article, I want to try and stay true to the intended, bona fide meaning of gaslighting. 

For gaslighting to be happening, there needs to be two things. Firstly, a position is taken by the “gaslighter” that is built on a false or iniquitous premise that secondly, has the consequence of placing the person being gaslit in and deleterious position. This may not necessarily be the intention of the gaslighter. They may not even realise they are doing it, but the outcome of harmful self-doubt occurs nevertheless. This harm is often subtle enough to go unnoticed but is pernicious all the same.

 Here are a few examples of gaslighting:

-         “That’s how things are here, so you just need to get on with it” (when there is meaningless resistance to change or dismissal of useful suggestions from subordinates).

-         “Looking at these results, I’m disappointed in your contribution” (for something out with your control).

-         “If you were better at your job, this wouldn’t have happened” (when there’s some shifting of blame / responsibility happening).

-         “I never said that - you must have misunderstood” (when there’s some rewriting of history taking place).

-         “Are you sure you’re able to finish that task? You’ve had x amount of time already” (for something you are quite capable of doing and have demonstrated so in the past).

 

The effects of gaslighting in the workplace can be profound. Staff who are subjected to gaslighting often experience a decline in self-confidence, becoming more anxious, unsure of their abilities, and hesitant to make decisions. This can lead to feelings of helplessness and insecurity, making it difficult for staff to assert themselves or advocate for their needs.

So, what is behind this gaslighting behaviour? In some cases, it may be a way to avoid accountability. This is particularly common in high-pressure environments where admitting error may be seen as a sign of weakness or incompetence. A prime example is given in this article’s introduction.

In other cases, gaslighting can be a form of control. By creating doubt, the gaslighter ensures a culture of uncertainty. This manipulation reinforces the gaslighter’s dominance, keeping subordinates in a state of insecurity.

Okay, let’s have a look at what you can do to about gaslighting. This probably won’t be easy, particularly if you’re coming from a position of vulnerability or damaged trust, but here’s a few strategies to try:

1. Document Everything: Keeping a written record of conversations, emails, instructions, and any changes to work expectations can be a powerful tool in combating gaslighting. This can also be useful if you need to escalate the issue.

2. Seek Support: Gaslighting can be isolating, so seek support from trusted colleagues, friends, or mentors. Having an external perspective can help validate your experiences, reminding you that you are not imagining things.

3. Set Boundaries: Consider assertively restating your needs or expectations, such as saying, “I want to clarify the instructions you gave so that I’m sure we’re on the same page.” While this won’t necessarily stop the gaslighting, it can help you maintain a sense of control.

4. Focus on Building Self-Confidence: Gaslighting can make individuals doubt themselves, so it’s important for staff to actively work on rebuilding their self-confidence. This might involve seeking out professional development opportunities, keeping track of personal achievements, or finding validation outside of a toxic workplace environment. Over time, reaffirming your skills and abilities can help counteract the psychological damage caused by gaslighting.

Ultimately, addressing gaslighting requires a cultural shift toward transparency, accountability, and mutual respect in the workplace. Personally, when I notice gaslighting, I try and think about the context – what is going on for the gaslighter and what pressures they might be under. This helps maintain perspective while not negating the need to address the behaviour. If you are, or have been on the receiving end of gaslighting, please know that you are not alone. This is particularly true if you work in a broken system like the NHS. I hope this article helps you take back some control and rediscover the reality of how good you really are at your job.